Depression

I made many mistakes in life...
Wrong decisions which led to sorrow and misery.
By far one of the distinct mistakes I made, was trusting the wrong people.
I generally put my trust in people easily, which is bad because that gives them space to hurt and mistreat me. To take advantage of me.
Let me narrow it down, and narrate a most recent example.
A approached me, and explained that her friends excluded her in their plan to move out to an apartment. Hurt and lost, she approached me, and said she wanted to live with me. Knowing I had plans to live with others, but feeling sympathetic and being pushed by B I made a decision to live with her.
B and A are kinda close, and apparently B and I are in a relationship. However, B advised me to never ditch A, and to not do what A's friends did to her... I , had two options in my mind. Living in a house with 4 or 5 people and an apartment with A and another girl.
However, really B spoke to A and said I don't make right decisions and it wasn't a good idea to live in a house with 4 or 5 people. Together with A, they decided to influence me to living with A and her friend.
I made that decision. Mainly, because B didn't like me living in a house with 6 people and A said she really wanted to live with me DESPITE having her roommate there.
Today, however when A , her friend and I met up to look at apartments and housing. A told me, that if I could find another person to live with so she could live with her friend. Indirectly, saying A made up her mind in which she was going to live with her friend.
I pushed away  my other option to cater for her, and only to realize A herself pushed me away today. B doesn't know the exact story, but knowing that B tends to be neutral and will obviously side A, having sympathy for her. What about me?
Who cares about me?
Who do I go to?
Where do I live next year?



B and I just fought. But he didn't even care to ask what happened between me and A. all he cared was that he just got out of classes, hasn't eaten. and he got upset as I ate an apple and said I didn't eat. When he said the exact same thing; ' I didn't eat except  a few granola bars and drank chocolate milk'. HOW IS THAT ANY DIFFERENT FROM WHAT I SAID.

And the fact that, he talked behind my back to A about me ...really? But I've forgiven him!
However, just a few days ago, a similar incident happened , but this time,my roommates were involved.
AGAIN. so you see my point, How am I ever going to trust that the person I love is not taking my side? wants to remain neutral?
If C and D are together, and C despise some people one way or the other, D will always be on her side. But I have never seen that from B. Even when I dislike Aida, Han, my roommate he never took my side. Now the thing with Kavita, do you think he will be on my side?
Although we have been in a relationship for over a year, it doesn't seem like I will ever gain his support and dedication. I guess I'm just there to be by him whenever he needs me. Otherwise his fine ignoring me, and living without me.

Is it time for one of us to give in? I have been doing that a lot recently. Apologizing, and accepting the fact that he doesn't apologize. I have been the one tolerating so much and the one initiating we talk or meet up after every fight.

Is this a bad sign, that things are coming to an end?
Who do I talk to ? Who is with me?



When we were so in love, I use to think someone will always be there for me, to be there to wipe away my tears , to share my laughter, someone I could talk to and listen to. Someone to share glory and victory with.
I use to think that someone would never let me fall, never take away my smile and cheer, to cheer me up whenever I'm down. whom would make me his priority, whom would respect me as much as I respect me, whom drops his ego for a better relationship.

Today proved it all.. I was wrong. Love is indeed blind. My mother always say , 'I learn the hard way' . I don't learn through advice, nor readings or through people's experience. I learn my lessons after going through pain myself. That is how I learn. Many of the biggest mistakes I made, in fact all of them was a result of ignorance and rebellious behavior.
That is who I am.. I try changing, but fail each and every time.
obstacles and challenges make me a stronger person, but I don't see the benefits of being a strong one?  I think I am weak because I give in easily, trust people so easily, and am easily betrayed and taken advantage from.
Who am I really?